Slow down Mummy, what’s the rush?

Slow down Mummy, whats the rush?

I think one of the greatest gifts of new motherhood to a woman is the opportunity to slow down.

As you and  your newborn settle into your life together,  it takes about one and a half hours to leave the house, so expressions such as ‘I’m just popping out’ loose all relevance.

Juggling life before baby was challenging but, wow, did I get a lot done!  Post baby, I could achieve NOTHING. Making an important phone call, posting a package, or running an errand became an overwhelming impossibility.    The new routine of sleep, eat, change brought the rhythm of life into slow motion, and I was forced into a whole new alternative time dimension.

This can feel horribly frustrating. When you’re used to work lists getting ticked off throughout the day, you can feel utterly powerless when you simply don’t get to tick ANYTHING off your work list.  All your best intentions are met with exploding nappies, teething tears, inexplicable grouchy days… it is like running through treacle.

However, in a world reduced to work lists and ticking off the achievements, there isn’t a whole lot of time to reflect, watch, and be present in the moment.

This, surely, is the greatest gift of early years motherhood.

When I was pregnant, I was so nervous about how difficult it was going to be, and of course I felt overwhelmed at times by the new responsibility of bringing this human being into our world.  But the greatest surprise to me was how much time I had on my hands now to just BE.  Breast feeding every 4 hours.  Walking through the park. Driving to get baby to sleep.  Rocking and soothing baby.  I saw the seasons change from Autumn to Winter.

I saw the leaves of the Oak outside my house change.  I watched the squirrels busily foraging for nuts.  When was the last time I had taken time to see these things?

In reality, I wasn’t sitting in a state of wonder and presence, I was actually feeling bored, frustrated, anxious that I should be doing something else. I even felt lonely – the rest of the world was out there getting stuff done whilst I sat here doing more of the same, surrounded by a Chinese laundry of little baby grows and socks.

I was killing time, getting cross that this mundane life was how it was for me from now on.

But with the benefit of hindsight (oh, the benefit of hindsight!) I can see that when my mind finally gave up the struggle and accepted this new state of play, I was able to revel in a newer, purer style of life that was primal, basic, empowering in its simplicity.  The crazy screeching fast pace of my pre-baby life peeled away to reveal a slow, earthy drum beat of motherhood.

Maybe I didn’t need all the racing around.  Maybe I was good with a walk in the park, some cooking, some cleaning and some breast feeding for today.

Without any previous training in mindfulness, my daughter and her schedule were bringing mindfulness into my life. This new slow and steady pace was making me present.  I was actually there.  Not making plans. Not writing emails. Not texting. Just there, with my baby.  Enforced meditation.

So, if you find yourself tearing your hair out because you’ve hardly left the house in days and you feel utterly incapable to getting anything done, why not change your mindset and learn from my experience.   Take the opportunity to dance to the drumbeat of motherhood – slow, present, connected and real.

Because one thing is for sure, the phase of new motherhood passes.  Life picks up its pace once more, and you will probably look back and remember with fondness when you had time to watch the world rush by you whilst you moved slowly through treacle.

If you’d like to read more tips on how to enjoy this parenting phase of life, please look at my website http://www.happysexymama.com. Namaste.

I hope you’ll join me so that you can kick back, thrive in motherhood, and be your Happy Sexy Mama self.

Sonja Lockyer writes for http://www.happysexymama.com, and is commited to looking after the Mummys who are busy looking after the rest of us.

Join us on facebook for more bits of support and love to your Mummy mission to stay happy and sexy.

http://www.facebook.com/happysexymama

instagram:happy_sexy_mama

http://www.happysexymama.com

Advertisements

How to cope when you loose it.

I promise you, most of us have been there. I certainly have.

There were a handful of awful hideous days when my temper snapped, and without me really even being a conscious part of it, I found myself ranting and raging and screaming with a gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair in a crazy-woman biblical kind of way.  My beautiful child was looking at me with total fear and confusion in her eyes. Then I came back into my body, and realised I had totally lost it. And I simply didn’t know what to do with myself.

Because the self loathing, the guilt, the shame and the horror are too much to bear.

Just writing that makes me feel sick. But I know I am not the only Mum out there to experience that moment. And I know that how I took the next step forward from that moment made all the difference in the world to my childs developement and understanding, and my own growth.

Here’s the thing – we are all made of light and dark, and whilst we like to live under the illusion of being good girls 24/7, the truth of course is much more shady than that. Sometimes we act a little more connected to our dark side. That dark side exists; pretending that it doesn’t exist really doesn’t benefit anyone.

So, when our hormones are raging, we’re exhausted, our lives are feeling entirely joyless engulfed by the cloak of baby blues, there is a full full moon and we just want to cry but don’t – we keep on ploughing on with a brave smile and true grit – it might on occassion happen that we get pushed past breaking point and a nasty, dark explosion takes place.

And afterwards, we need to calm down, apologise, and to explain.

Calming down.

Here is a quick & easy way to calm yourself down.

  • Make sure your child is in a safe place and then focus on your breath.
  • Breathe in for a count of 6 through your nose.
  • Breathe out for a count of 10 through your mouth with your lips pursed as if you were blowing through a straw.

Do that 6 times.

Apologise.

Now that you feel calmer, in my world the first step in apologising is a loving hug. Not a needy grasping out of control hug, just a strong, calm and confident loving hug that lets them know they are safe and you are back in control of the reins.

Explain.

We need to explain that we are human too, and we have our limits. And that we don’t always act perfectly but we always try our best. And that it makes us sad and sorry to get so cross, so shall we try again?

And then we need to tell our beautiful children how much we love them.

Then change the air, go and so something completely different, and leave the incident behind.

Learn the lesson.

And instead of revelling in the self hate and guilt of the incident that night, we need to learn the lesson. Perhaps we needed some more help, or some time out, or a friend to share our feelings with before we got to breaking point. So ask for help next time, go see a friend and take some rest (surely the reason Cbeebies exists?!), take care of your Self in which ever way you are able, so that you are more able to take care of your children.

Fill your cup.

We only loose it when our cup has run dry and we have nothing left to give, so its our responsibility to act before that moment and keep our cup full of whatever it is we need to stay happy, vibrant and connected to our better Selves.

That’s my humble opinion, anyway, and I hope it might help anyone else out there who recently lost it and was unsure how to handle it afterwards.  My children are 5 and 7 now, and they are honestly really happy, lovely children.  So it would seem they have survived despite my occasional loosing it.  In fact, I’d say it hurt me a million times more than it hurt them.

For more accessible, easy tips on how to stay connected to your better Self, please take a moment to look at my website http://www.happysexymama.com.

I hope you’ll join me so that you can kick back, thrive in motherhood, and be your Happy Sexy Mama self.

Sonja Lockyer writes for http://www.happysexymama.com, and is commited to looking after the Mummies who are busy looking after the rest of us.

Join us on Facebook to stay supported, inspired and connected throughout motherhood. http://www.facebook.com/happysexymama

 

 

5 easy tips to turn children’s bedtime chaos into paradise.

There was a time, when the bedtime routine was utter chaos for me. I stuck religiously to the diner / bath / bed by 7pm system that all the books spoke about and still always ended up pulling my hair out as no one seemed to be listening to me and no one seemed interested in going to sleep. It stressed me out. Words can not express the frustration of an over tired, desperate Mum aching to get something of an evening to herself but finding herself slipping into a night of despair and anger instead. Yelling at my children to go to bed, stay in bed, go to sleep, stop making a fuss was NOT what I’d had in mind as my style of parenting, but it was my reality. Eventually, by focusing my attention, listening and following my instinct (easier said than done), thankfully things started to change. Paradise. I am now proud to say that bedtime is my favourite part of the day. And its the favourite part of my childrens day too. By making some simple changes there was a shift, and it transformed our family life. Here are my 5 easy tips which helped me to turn bedtime chaos into bedtime paradise. 1. I started using aromatherapy essential oils. I burn essential oils around the house, I use them in the bath, and I use an organic bedtime body butter on my children and I that contains neroli and ylang ylang. My sense of smell has come alive, and I use the power of natures most powerful sense to influence the atmosphere in the house. At night time I alternate between lavender (which doubles up as anti-mousquito in the summer), neroli, cedarwood, ylang ylang and rose absolute or a Neals Yard Remedy Organic mix called Night Night. 2. I read a really GOOD bedtime story. I’ve always read a bedtime story, but now I’m more picky about what I will read and take the opportunity to read some great childrens books. There are only so many times you can read the Octonauts without going insane! By enjoying what I’m reading, I am not in a rush to get through it and I can properly animate and get lost in the content of what I’m reading. The Secret Garden, The Faraway Tree, The BFG… there are so many great great stories we get lost in together. 3. Thank yous. I’m a big fan of keeping a Gratitude Diary, and this flooded into my bedtime ritual with the kids. After the story, we share a few things from the day that we’d like to say thank you for. My youngest often finds this hilarious as he thanks his poo poos and farts. Charming. My eldest astounds me with her deep and profound thank yous for the food we eat and the home we live in. And I get the chance to hear what the world has been like for them that day, and which moments have counted in their life. 4. Breathing meditation. My daughter used to get anxious about me leaving her in the bedroom (they share) and so in the unhappy years I used to stand at her bedside strocking her hand and getting increasingly up tight inside. This was not a good solution to the problem. Then, one day I took a seat in the bedroom, sat down and started a beautiful breathing meditation. With every inhale I breath in love and support from the Universe around me and within. With every exhale I send out love and support from my heart to my children and the Universe around me. I do this for 5, maybe 10, sometimes 20 minutes and when I’m finished, I feel amazing and if both kids aren’t asleep they are so chilled out and peaceful they are happy for me to leave the room. As I write this, there is a thunder storm raging outside and my daughter has been sitting quietly next to me with a blanket even though its 9pm. I’m happy for her to be with me, because I usually get the evenings to myself now to do what I need to do. The stress has gone, the desperation has lifted, and I can be more flexible and easy going. So that is what I’m going to make point number 5; stay flexible. 5. Stay flexible. Evenings don’t always go to script, and sometimes my children just wont go to bed as nicely as usual. And so I adapt. I give them 10 minutes with a book to look at pictures on their own in bed, and then I say its time to sleep, and switch out the light. Or I let them sleep in my bed and move then back into their once they’re asleep. Or I sit and chat calmly with them for 5 minutes and remember something wonderful we all did together, then get up and let them go to sleep. Whatever works for you is right, but I know for certain that the stress of a strict schedule made me tetchy and agro and not the kind of Mother I want to be. So, I hope that something from thee 5 easy tips will help you if you are struggling with bedtime. I am living proof that this time of day can transform from a living hell to a precious, treasured and wonder-full part of every day. Its exactly what you deserve, because you are a happy sexy mama and this journey is exactly where you’re supposed to be right now. If you’d like to read more tips on how to enjoy this parenting phase of life, please look at my website http://www.happysexymama.com. Namaste. I hope you’ll join me so that you can kick back, thrive in motherhood, and be your Happy Sexy Mama self. Sonja Lockyer writes for http://www.happysexymama.com, and is commited to looking after the Mummies who are busy looking after the rest of us. Join us on Facebook to stay supported, inspired and connected throughout motherhood. http://www.facebook.com/happysexymama