How to cope when you loose it.

I promise you, most of us have been there. I certainly have.

There were a handful of awful hideous days when my temper snapped, and without me really even being a conscious part of it, I found myself ranting and raging and screaming with a gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair in a crazy-woman biblical kind of way.  My beautiful child was looking at me with total fear and confusion in her eyes. Then I came back into my body, and realised I had totally lost it. And I simply didn’t know what to do with myself.

Because the self loathing, the guilt, the shame and the horror are too much to bear.

Just writing that makes me feel sick. But I know I am not the only Mum out there to experience that moment. And I know that how I took the next step forward from that moment made all the difference in the world to my childs developement and understanding, and my own growth.

Here’s the thing – we are all made of light and dark, and whilst we like to live under the illusion of being good girls 24/7, the truth of course is much more shady than that. Sometimes we act a little more connected to our dark side. That dark side exists; pretending that it doesn’t exist really doesn’t benefit anyone.

So, when our hormones are raging, we’re exhausted, our lives are feeling entirely joyless engulfed by the cloak of baby blues, there is a full full moon and we just want to cry but don’t – we keep on ploughing on with a brave smile and true grit – it might on occassion happen that we get pushed past breaking point and a nasty, dark explosion takes place.

And afterwards, we need to calm down, apologise, and to explain.

Calming down.

Here is a quick & easy way to calm yourself down.

  • Make sure your child is in a safe place and then focus on your breath.
  • Breathe in for a count of 6 through your nose.
  • Breathe out for a count of 10 through your mouth with your lips pursed as if you were blowing through a straw.

Do that 6 times.


Now that you feel calmer, in my world the first step in apologising is a loving hug. Not a needy grasping out of control hug, just a strong, calm and confident loving hug that lets them know they are safe and you are back in control of the reins.


We need to explain that we are human too, and we have our limits. And that we don’t always act perfectly but we always try our best. And that it makes us sad and sorry to get so cross, so shall we try again?

And then we need to tell our beautiful children how much we love them.

Then change the air, go and so something completely different, and leave the incident behind.

Learn the lesson.

And instead of revelling in the self hate and guilt of the incident that night, we need to learn the lesson. Perhaps we needed some more help, or some time out, or a friend to share our feelings with before we got to breaking point. So ask for help next time, go see a friend and take some rest (surely the reason Cbeebies exists?!), take care of your Self in which ever way you are able, so that you are more able to take care of your children.

Fill your cup.

We only loose it when our cup has run dry and we have nothing left to give, so its our responsibility to act before that moment and keep our cup full of whatever it is we need to stay happy, vibrant and connected to our better Selves.

That’s my humble opinion, anyway, and I hope it might help anyone else out there who recently lost it and was unsure how to handle it afterwards.  My children are 5 and 7 now, and they are honestly really happy, lovely children.  So it would seem they have survived despite my occasional loosing it.  In fact, I’d say it hurt me a million times more than it hurt them.

For more accessible, easy tips on how to stay connected to your better Self, please take a moment to look at my website

I hope you’ll join me so that you can kick back, thrive in motherhood, and be your Happy Sexy Mama self.

Sonja Lockyer writes for, and is commited to looking after the Mummies who are busy looking after the rest of us.

Join us on Facebook to stay supported, inspired and connected throughout motherhood.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s